God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
