One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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