Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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