Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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