Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
