So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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