you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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