Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
