eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
