last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dear god my vagina.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
