allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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