I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You can't special order awesome
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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