Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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