I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
