You're so nebulous sometimes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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