My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
