he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
