If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
