Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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