I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You can't just leave with hair like that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
