Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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