Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
