I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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