When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
