so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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