Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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