O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
