I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
