What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
