Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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