i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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