Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
