I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
