Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
