After last night, I could never be a politician.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
