Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
