i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
