It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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