For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
