you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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