you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think your dad took our porno
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
