Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
