he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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