mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
