its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
