I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
