im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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