I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
