He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
