dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
