how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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