I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
