that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm getting married
To pizza
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
