I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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