It's like God shit irony all over that family
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
