I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
