I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm too high and old for this...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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