i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
