he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
