So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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