So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
