I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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