i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
