Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.