Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail