I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.