new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...