I just cut my nipple shaving
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels