oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night