census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
