im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
