i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
