I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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