i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
