I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
