Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
