Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
